can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
