Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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