my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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