i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
