this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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