come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
