her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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