If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sponge bath it is.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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