i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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