in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I need help removing her.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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