Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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