I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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