My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
