I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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