I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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