I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
