But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
