My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
