i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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