Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
