peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
