So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
