dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
