bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
