fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
