I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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