When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize