Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
