i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
