The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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