Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need moral support for this bender
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
