A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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