Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
