From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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