just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
