dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Randomize
