Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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