the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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