I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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