I wish I could teleport
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
