just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
