How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
