Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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