My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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