Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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