oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
