If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
