we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
