If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
