I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
