i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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