Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
