Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
