i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
