Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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