hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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