so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
