Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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