Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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