I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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