I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The air was thick with penises
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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