I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
