margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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