no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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