That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
