One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
