And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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