1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
