Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
