I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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