I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
