My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
