i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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