i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
