In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
