I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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