Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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