I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
