Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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