You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
