there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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