Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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