Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize