Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize