ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
