Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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