I faked an abortion last night.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
