I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
