if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
