I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He better not be in your backpack
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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