hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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