Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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