may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
