..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
