Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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