He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
